(Narrated by Slippers – True Yard Drama, Goat Hype, and One Big Reality Check)
Mi swear… ever since Lady Dee mash up di farm stage and get big forward, Trevor start act like a Grammy goat.
Mi nah lie — di fame lick him harder than mango from a Julie tree top.
Him walk ‘round di yard wid a new strut. Tail high. Chest puff. Eye half-close like him deh pon him fourth tour.
Every morning, instead of grazing humble-humble by di pear tree like before, mi find him pon di step… posing.
Like him expect papparazzi fi pass by Miss Zilla gate.
First ting, him start wear di same tam every day.
Mi ask him why it nuh wash.
Him seh, “Style cyah rinse out, Slippers.”
Mi start watch him close.
Mi notice him change up him whole routine.
No more quiet nibble or humble bleat.
Trevor start giving instructions.
“Socks, bring mi coconut water wid two ice.”
“Shoes, go scout out a fanbase.”
“Slippers, mi soon need yuh fi write mi press release.”
Mi bark once and seh,
“Dis yard nuh have no HR department, boss.”
Lady Dee start feel it too.
She call him fi help rake di yard.
Him seh,
“Mi a rest mi vocal cords fi soundcheck later.”
Mi nearly choke pon mi own bark.
Bubbles peek outta him tank and whisper,
“Who book this goat?”
Socks and Shoes start act up too.
Socks seh him want royalties.
Shoes claim him deh pon tour support.
Mi? Mi just want peace fi lie down without getting bleat at like mi an intern.
Then it reach di breaking point.
Trevor host a press conference.
No joke.
Mi deh pon mi paw, just watch it unfold.
Him stand pon a bench under di guava tree, microphone fashioned from a stick wrapped wid foil, and seh:
“Good afternoon, fellow creatures of di yard. Today mi announce mi new venture… Trevor Records.”
Mi blink.
Shoes faint.
Socks whisper,
“Mi cyaan manage dis ego.”
Bubbles blow three hard bubbles back-to-back like warning shots.
Then Trevor drop the bombshell:
“Mi releasing mi debut EP: Goat Level Greatness Vol. 1
— featuring hit single ‘Hay Life’ and a dub remix called ‘Mash Up di Trough.’”
Mi seh, “NO MAN. Time fi intervention.”
Later that day, mi call a secret yard meeting under Mama almond tree.
Mi bring Socks, Shoes, and even Bubbles (who float in his tank wid a little sign that read: “Save We Yard”).
Mi open:
“Yuh see how Trevor gone clear? Wi cyaan manage one more musical meltdown inna di bush.”
Socks seh,
“Mi start have stress dreams ’bout tour buses.”
Shoes seh,
“Mi miss when him just eat chocho and sleep.”
Bubbles whisper,
“Mi tank water turn cloudy from anxiety.”
We devise a plan:
Operation Ground Di Goat.
Next day, when Trevor step out wid him silver chain made from soda pull-tabs and a towel like stage rag…
Wi ready.
Shoes fly down and start flappin up pure breeze.
Socks drop riddim from the fence.
Mi walk up slow and bark three times — like signal.
Trevor pause.
“Mi fans deh yah?” him ask.
Mi seh,
“Trevor… yuh a gwaan like seh di yard a stadium.”
Him chuckle,
“Mi a star, Slippers.”
Mi look him dead in him eye and seh,
“And which star still get leash up by the ackee tree?”
Socks burst out laugh.
Bubbles nearly flip over from giggling.
Even Shoes seh,
“Yuh bright, but yuh still a bush goat.”
Trevor stop.
Him face change.
Mi expect him to get vex… but instead, him sigh and seh,
“Mi just waan feel like mi matter, man.”
Mi walk up and nudge him snout.
“Yuh matter already, Trevor. From yuh first day inna Kingston yard when yuh chew up mi cushion — we know seh yuh special. But big up yuhself… quietly.”
That evening, we sit down calm.
Trevor help wash off a few pear.
Shoes hum.
Socks sing harmony.
Bubbles floatin content.
Mi lie in mi corner, finally able to nap in peace.
Same mi. Same shoes.
But now we remind di whole crew…
yard greatness don’t need no encore.
Just love, and likkle manners.
Coming Up Next:
EPISODE 9 – SCENE 2: AUNTY PAT COME FROM TOWN
Lady Dee’s auntie arrive, she bring whole suitcase, big attitude, and perfume that chase wasps.
She seh:
“Mi naa sleep pon no bed where goat did sneeze!”
It’s about to get spicy.
Di Culture Link 
goat turn super star🤣🤣
LikeLike