Slippers Says – Episode 7: Scene 4 Yard Rules & Goat Feuds

Narrated by Slippers

First light inna St. Elizabeth.

Sun just peepin over di hilltop like it curious who mash up Mama yard last night. Di whole place still — like when pot cover drop and everybody waiting fi hear what happen next.

Mi did just stretch mi back paw under di guava tree when mi smell trouble.

Not metaphorical trouble. Real goat. Real stink. Real mischief.

Mi follow di scent and stop dead at di corner near di herb patch.

Trevor.

Deep inna Mama thyme bush like him deh pon seasoning mission.

Mi bark once fi warning.

Trevor turn him head slow. Eyes wide. Mouth full.

Him chewing — and mi swear pon mi leash — him deh pon him third round.

Mi bark again:

“Trevor, a wha yuh doing? Mama yard, yuh know!”

Trevor swallow like him realise him gone too far. Then, like goat possessed, him buck mi water bowl, climb up one side of the rain drum, and let out a full-throated:

“MAYYYYYYYYY!”

Now that’s when di real feud start.

Suddenly, one next goat from across the fence — a heavy brown one wid one cock-eye and nuff attitude — bawl back,

“MAYYYYYY!”

Trevor freeze. Mi tail lift.

Mi whisper,

“Who dat?”

Him reply low,

“Dem call him Bruk Neck… from over Mass Bobo yard.”

Next ting mi know, Trevor drag up beside di fence and start stomping dirt like him preparing fi duel.

Two goat. One fence. Pure ego. Zero brain.

Socks and Shoes fly up to di breadfruit tree fi front-row view.

Socks seh, “Mi did hear goat stubborn, but dem two look like dem sign contract fi chaos.”

Shoes seh, “Whoever lose must wash mango fi Sunday juice.”

Bruk Neck step forward, blow breath through him nose, and lower him horn.

Trevor do the same.

Mi shout:

“NO! Not inna Mama yard!”

But dem step closer. One toe at a time. Di fence lean. Trevor’s eye twitch.

Mi heart race.

Before horn could meet zinc, we hear —

“HEY! WHO A BUCK WHO?! A WHA DIS MI DEH HEAR?”

Mama.

Storming from di kitchen in full yard mode.

Apron tight. Spoon swinging. Face locked in judgement.

Everybody freeze.

Trevor stop in mid-stomp.

Bruk Neck slowly backstep like him don’t want no curry today.

Even Bubbles flip belly-side up like him playing dead.

Mama clap her hand twice.

“Mi just plant back mi thyme! Goat mash it up again? Mi only turn mi back fi stir di porridge!”

She spin and glare at Trevor.

“Mi nuh care who start it. From today, a goat yard rules inna effect.”

Lady Dee try explain,

“Mama, mi did plan fi talk to dem later…”

Mama cut her off,

“Later? Later mi might haffi sell one a dem to fund mi gas bill!”

So now come di yard rules — straight from Mama tongue, hot like she deh pon radio.

“Trevor!”

“If yuh pass that mint bush again, mi putting yuh pan rope and naming yuh Sunday Dinner.”

Trevor seh,

“Mayyyyy…”

but low like him whispering from funeral bench.

“Socks & Shoes!”

“No more nesting pon mi curtain rod or flapping over mi stew pot. Yuh hear mi, feather people?”

Dem chirp once. Mute.

“Slippers.”

She point at me direct.

“Yuh is mi daughter’s pride and joy. But if yuh cyaan stop chase goat and bark fi every cow bawl, mi a send yuh back Kingston wid stamp and tag.”

Mi lie down flat. Paw crossed. Not a sound.

“And Bubbles.”

She walk up to di tank, look in quiet.

“Mi never raise fish, but yuh? Yuh test mi patience like rice grain inna teeth.”

Bubbles blink. Real slow. Den turn him back like him done wid we.

Mama spin ‘round and shout,

“Yard deh fi all a unnu. But dis a nuh zoo. Order mus keep! Or everybody lock up before pepper pot boil!”

And just like dat, she gone back inside — spoon swinging behind her like law baton.

Mi look ‘round.

Trevor deh quiet inna one corner, chewing shamefully.

Socks and Shoes deh pan opposite tree branch — feuding from a distance.

Bubbles still float sideways, acting like him never hear nothing.

And me?

Mi find back mi guava tree, lie down slow, and exhale long.

Same mi. Same shoes.

But di yard now have rules. And di goat dem? Feud activated.

Coming Up Next:

SLIPPERS SAYS – EPISODE 7: SCENE 5

MANGO TREE MADNESS & THE GREAT BIRD HEIST

Mango drop. Feather fly. One commotion shake up di tree top — and Slippers on high alert.

Something suspicious gwan, and it smell like a feathered plan…