Narrated by Slippers
So boom.
Lady Dee finally sit down with a cold Ting in her hand — breeze barely a whisper, everybody quiet like dem finally adjusting…
Mi blink.
One second of silence.
Then: MAYYYYYY!
Mi head jerk up, tail stiff like broomstick.
Di birds fling themself in di air like dem trying fi evacuate.
And right there… stepping through di front door bold bold…
Trevor.
Mi seh, Trevor the goat march een like him own 30% shares in the property.
Him nah creep.
Him nah wait.
Him just trot through like him getting paid fi show up.
Mi bark.
Loud.
Like proper security dog.
Mi bark again with extra bass.
Trevor look at mi… and blink.
BLOODY. BLINK.
Mi nearly retire.
Lady Dee jump up mid-sip and seh:
“No man… mi cyaan believe dis goat come een like him live yah!”
Trevor sniff the fan, step pon mi foot like mi nuh exist, then turn and start nibble a corner of the curtain like appetizer.
Mi seh:
“Mi nuh bark in four countries fi dis disrespect.”
Meanwhile, upstairs pon di curtain rod:
Socks and Shoes gone full panic mode.
Shoes spin like propeller.
Socks land back in the bread basket.
Feathers falling like cotton candy.
Lady Dee fling down her Ting, fling open the fridge and seh:
“Trevor, yuh want callaloo or what? Come OUTTA mi house!”
Trevor ignore her, stretch out and baaap in the hallway like him testing acoustics.
Now listen — Bubbles lose it.
Mi nuh talk slight attitude… mi talking strike-action, placard-waving, fish-riot energy.
Bubbles float up, bubble hard, and shove a new protest sign against di tank:
“IF A GOAT GET FREE ROAM, MI WANT AC AND CABLE!”
Mi seh:
“Mi live fi see di day when goldfish have legal demands.”
Bubbles cross one fin and float like him staging a sit-in.
Mi coulda swear him mouthing:
“Mi tank tun solitary confinement, and goat a get concierge service?!”
Lady Dee try reason wid Trevor like him understand logic.
She wave callaloo, plantain chip, even one bag juice like she bribing a toddler.
Trevor?
Him nibble a corner of the mat, then stroll deeper into the house and sniff Lady Dee bag like him checking for contraband.
Slippers: “Yuh see mi life?”
Mi try nudge him out.
Trevor step round mi like mi nuh relevant.
Shoes crash pon top di fridge.
Socks now chirping like him singing freedom songs.
And Bubbles just blowing bubbles in Morse code.
Finally, Lady Dee slap her hand pon her knee, look Trevor dead in the eye and seh:
“Trevor, mi know mi name Lady Dee… but mi feel like today mi name shoulda be ‘Miss Misery’.”
Trevor blink.
Then slowly — like him doing her a favour — back out the front door, chew one more tassel, and trot off like him have next appointment.
The room quiet now.
Kind of.
Except fi:
- Slippers hyperventilating
- Bubbles sulking
- Two birds trying fi reattach curtain rings
- And one half-chewed mango Lady Dee never even get to peel
Mi lie down on the hot concrete floor, belly first, breath wheezy, tail limp.
Mi nah even have strength fi bark again.
Mi whisper to miself:
“Mi come fi vacation… and end up wid PTSD.”
Coming Up Next:
Episode 6 – Scene 4: Bird Gone AWOL
Lady Dee plan a simple walk fi cool off.
But what she never plan?
Socks and Shoes vanish.
And now? It tun full community search party…
Even Trevor show up like him a helpful neighbour —
with no ID and one bun in him mouth.
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